Monday, October 22, 2012

Disgusting Donut Day

It was going to be epic. A dream come true. Seven doughnuts in one night of bacchanalian proportions of hedonism and glory. Puffy yeast rounds of dough, sparkling in a thin crystalline encasement of sugar glaze awaited me after a long, arduous, and ongoing journey as I chased two dragons: hitting a weight I hadn't been since middle school and bingeing on pastry.

Nearly two and a half years ago, I decided I needed to lose some weight. Then two years ago, I decided to take it a step further and revamp my entire lifestyle. Goddamnit, I was going to be HEALTHY.

Although I eat gluttonously and deliciously, it hasn't been as much of a challenge to kick my own ass. Working out every day is actually a luxury, and getting up earlier in the morning means I start my workday energized and positively. It also ensures that I wash my hair. And counting calories means that I now consume higher quality foods, and can strategize to eat higher quantities of things I want without gaining a pound.

As usual, I digress. I just thought it'd be nice to say that even though it's been a long, tough struggle to get to 115 pounds, it can be done with the right attitude and that it's been totally worth it.

I decided a year ago to reward myself when I hit my original goal weight of 125 pounds, which I hadn't thought likely since that was my average high school weight. I was content to be 130 pounds, but figured, Eh, what the hell -- may as well set an unrealistic goal to keep me motivated. My reward was going to be Disgusting Donut Day.

This was the plan:

  1. Go to Dunkin' Donuts.
  2. Pick up seven Glazed Donuts and bring them home.
  3. Take off pants.
  4. Open current book.
  5. Enjoy more doughnuts than I've eaten in one sitting in my life.
Wonder of wonders, I hit 125 pounds. So of course, with my self-competitive nature, I said to myself, Self, that wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Let's step it up. We haven't earned it yet.

The new goal became 115. 

It took several more months just to get under 120, since at just below 19% body fat, there wasn't much more left to go. But get there, I did, finally coming in at juuuuust 115 and change and 17% body fat (interval and strength training WORK!). I was in the best shape of my life, and I was ready to feast.

However, being that I hit my mark in early fall, the produce harvest was too much to resist and I put off DDD in favor of farm-fresh food. My weight came back up to a healthier 117 and I was determined to stabilize there. But lo and behold, I hit it again last weekend! And with Boy out of town for business, I decided it was time.

First, I want to award big ups to the Dunkin Donuts on Sunrise Highway in Bohemia. I very rarely equate customer service with any kind of chain, even if it is independently owned, but this shop wows me every time. Fresh donuts, baked on premises, and outstanding, often EXEMPLARY customer service every time I visit. 

I wanted DDD to be done right, so I called them up and asked when the next fresh batch was coming out, because damnit, it was going to be WORTH it. Their response was to give them a time and they'd make me a fresh batch and have it boxed and ready when I came in. BAM. That's customer service. Donuts to order?! Yes, PLEASE!

They were beautiful. Slightly shiny, beautifully puffed, and looking as pristine and virginal as anything I've ever seen, I no longer had any doubts about the wisdom of my decision. Plus, it was less calories than my other options (a full Grandma pie from Gio's, the most delicious Grandma pie EVER; a whole strawberry shortcake; an entire rainbow cookie cake from Manhattan Sweets; or a bucket of Popeye's fried chicken -- which, with my low-fat lifestyle change, may have legitimately made me sick). 

I executed steps 1, 2, and 4 of my DDD plan (I was already in stretchy yoga pants and it was cold ...) and got ready. I broke into the first donut with my teeth, the thin layer of sugar glaze crackling slightly like a pane of glass, the dough yielding slightly, softly. It was FUCKING GLORIOUS.

I continued, breaking into my chocolate-frosted "dessert donut" (DDD was dinner, by the way) in the middle, since I was afraid I wouldn't make it.

However, my fears were unfounded. As disgusting and abhorrent as friends and family found the concept of eating seven doughnuts in one sitting was, it was actually highly anticlimactic. The challenge aspect just wasn't there. I took my time savoring each and every one, not rushing a single bite, and yet, it took me just about 31 minutes for every crumb of my reward to be gone. And I was still hungry.

I was incredibly sad (still am, to tell you the truth), that this was not difficult. I like a good challenge. I like being brought to the edge of sickness, whether it's from running too far, doing vinyasa yoga in too hot of a room, hitting heavy bags in kickboxing until I feel like I'm about to puke or my knuckles are bleeding, or eating enough cashews that my tongue feels like it's shriveled like a slug in my mouth. I am a person of extremes. 

And believe it or not, DDD was not an extreme. Not even close. I finished and felt great, my only regret being the fact that it was all over and over too soon. I mean, granted, I was sad that when I weighed myself the next morning, I had put a whopping five pounds back on (apparently, I can't metabolize sugary stuff?) ... but then I stopped being stressed after a 5.5 mile run and 90-minute yoga class and lost half of that bloat.

So the question now is: what next? What ridonkulous reward should I grant myself for maintaining this weight steadily, getting to a 115 trending weight, or hitting an unrealistic (and unhealthy?) 110? Or should I call DDD a wash and start over another day on one of the drawing board options?

I'm not sure where the decision process will end up, but one thing is for certain. I know for a fact now, that seven is not my limit. I am a vengeful doughnut goddess, and I can eat them ALL.